“I’d rather be unique than boring.”
– Mom
Life is a blur at this present moment – Mom’s belly is about to pop, Dad’s company is gradually building, John is slowly learning the art of potty, and Allison is almost 11. I don’t really know where I fit in the grand scheme of things, but I do manage to fit someplace. Besides, being a thirteen year old girl with a little sister tall enough to reach your nose can be extremely intimidating and overly aggressive :D. As my mother approaches delivery, my dad grows his company that he has worked and prayed diligently for, my sister gets closer to womanhood and my brother learns to sit on a toilet, I have found myself lost in a maze of thoughts and either freaking, smiling, or laughing at my future.
For example: whenever I enter the bathroom, I look at the mirror and think what’ll I look like in 2 ish years or smile and give myself the perfect “look.” You would think that although I help my mother with so much I wouldn’t think about me.
Just ask my bathroom.
My last post was about identity, and it’s really something I struggle with. I see all the beautiful, smart, strong, brave, inspiring teens and women and I wonder again where I fit in the grand scheme of things. I mean, all around me I am surrounded by the most talented people. When I look at myself, something about them makes me want to be them. Which isn’t a bad thing looking up to people is good and I’ll do that forever. I just want to BE their clone – that’s what stumbles me.
I constantly think about them and how I look, how my hair is done, how long I worship God (that’s a big one), and even how I smile.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.
– Jeremiah 1:5
Being so caught up into role models and how they look, I have totally forgotten how God made me look, how God made me smile, how God made me sing (even with my squeaky voice when I hit an octave above middle C), how God made my hair and my teeth and my eyes. He set me apart.
Why is Mom so strong? Why is Eowyn so brave? Why is Joy Clarkson so inspiring? Because that’s who God made them to be. He didn’t make Emily so she could be exactly like Patricia or Eowyn. “I made her to be different” He says – to be a one of a kind person unlike ANYTHING I’ve ever made. I’m going to make her for a certain purpose and a certain role I’ve had for her before I even thought about making light.
The Merriam Webster Dictionary’s definition for consecrated is: dedicated to a sacred purpose
And that’s just Merriam Webster! Think of all the incredible words Christ – who made me – has planned for that “sacred purpose!” I am a one of a kind! I am going to do something that only I was made for. God has something for you that he made only you for! Just imagine him making your eyes and hair and delivering you into the world. And, all of a sudden, you, me, and every single female in the whole world wants to be her. So fast we forget that purpose. That light that God put in us – that fire he lit in our hearts that drove us mad with his love.
“His word was in my heart like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, and I could not.”
– Jeremiah 20:9b
The point is, is that we were made originally and look differently, we are all called for a purpose that only we can live, we are special original works of art signed in the bottom corner by the Holy Hand of God! I feel like shouting Hallelujah! BTW, I’m not going to be the next Eowyn or Claire Dearing – but the next Emily! Until we meet again beloved readers!
So long,
Emily 😀 P.S. My Mom is still my ultimate hero. 😀
What do all these people have in common? They were all made by God and have been given a purpose – whether they see it or not.
