Is there really such a thing as a good person? I thought so. I wanted to be good. I wanted to be perfect, even! I wanted to look so good that I would be a “good” girl. But, what is good? What is perfect? What is a “good” person?
Well, I learned that a good person equals nothing. Because that’s who I was. I was”good” and “perfect”. I was praised by everyone for how spiritual I was and how good I was. How intellectual, smart, and bright I was. But, my mom has a saying,”When a sponge gets squeezed, the water that’s held inside comes out. But when a person gets squeezed with trials, their insides come out. Their real self comes out.”
I have been squeezed and wrung out. And my non-perfect self came out. I was (being really honest) rebellious, short tempered, a cry-baby, and a lazy bum. I definitely wasn’t the once perfect goody girl everyone thought I was. I was so focused on making myself look good with my friends and superiors, that I forgot why I am supposed to be “good”. Is there even a reason to be good? Is there any purpose to being good? And when I got squeezed, I learned the answer to those two questions.
A. There is no reason to be good
B. There is no purpose to being good but pleasing yourself
When I was on my good trip, all I thought of was, what does _______ think of me? Instead of, how does God think of me and my attitudes towards Him? All of my blog posts were what I wanted to talk about (cosplay, Lord of the Rings, sewing, The Hobbit, and my selfish needs). I was good in everyone’s eyes, except mine.
But Christ still saw me as His precious daughter. He only wanted me to understand that I didn’t need to be good and perfect, because when I’m squeezed, where does being perfect leave me? Broken and bleeding in the dust with everyone scoffing instead of praising. When I think I’m perfect, I feel like I’m walking on Cloud 9 and worth more than a million dollars! But when I am squeezed with no good left in me, I treat myself like trash. In the end, I realized all that I had missed.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
I realized that I am not perfect and that I will never be. So after I realized that I’m messed up, I tried to be good again. This time remembering Christ in my actions. But again, I failed. I wanted to look good and have the perfect little Christian bubble. Go to church in my bubble, watch movies in my bubble, go to HOME group activities in my perfect little bubble, blog in my bubble, pray and be “holy” in my bubble and live the perfect little Christian box life. It’s easy to do. But then I learned something else.
I can’t do anything without the guidance or wisdom of the Holy Spirit.
So, today I am looking to the Holy Spirit and interceding for guidance and wisdom through my day. Without Christ, we are nothing, just a bunch of loud clanging cymbals. Doing anything without Christ should’ve told me a long time ago that I was going to fail, and I would’ve saved a lot of tears. So, the Hound Dog from Heaven is teaching me how to live. It’s much better than my plan, I’ll tell you that much! He guides me in all the ways I should go and teaches me to be gracious, loving, and kind. Whenever I go on walks with Him, He floods my heart with His Joy and Peace. He sleeps at the foot of my bed and watches over me as I sleep and commands the Angels to fight for me. He wakes me up with excitement in the mornings, and when I feed Him, He feeds me back. Whenever I call Him from the field, He runs as fast as His little hound legs can take him. I highly recommend the breed. 🙂
The point is, my hound dog is the leader of my life. He is loyal, loving, kind, and patient in teaching. Your hound dog is already there with you, all you have to do is listen for Him. He’s barking and howling in your ears, now He’s just waiting for you to do what He commands you!
P.S. Now I know three hound dogs: Ree Drummond’s hound Charlie, Kit Kittredge’s hound Grace, and my Holy Spirit! 😛