Concerning Snacks, Lent, and Inflamed Thyroids

Life demands a lot.

I guess I knew that before this year, but I guess you could say that it just “sank in.” Since turning fifteen last month, I’ve learned a lot of different things about life. Life has become…how can you say this without saying the word “dutiful?” I’ve taken on a lot more tasks these past few months, and I suppose that’s why this blog has been crying out for a post.

It all started on March the first: Ash Wednesday. I was very excited for the season of Lent to fall upon us, and I was just as anxious to fast “something.” I decided on snacks. That was hard enough to make me really pray and seek my Savior for the things that really mattered in our relationship. {I say hard enough because you people really don’t understand how many snacks I eat. I’m a hobbit when it comes to food. I eat breakfast, then I eat second breakfast, then I have elevenses, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper.

Ok, not literally, but seriously, I eat a LOT of snacks because I have a thyroid problem which always makes me hungry.}

Considering that, I was going to have LOTS of time to pray and seek the Lord during Lent. I carried myself well until Sunday when Mumsie Mum offered me a tortilla chip she had just fried up for dinner. It was a sample. It wasn’t a meal, so it was a snack in my mind. I instantly freaked out.

“No thanks, Ma. I’m good,” I replied innocently with a smile on my face. She scrunched her face. I never refused a taste-test. “No, here, try some,” she urged. I smiled again, a little uncomfortably, and said, that it was alright. In the end Ma was offended and I ended up having to divulge my secret and spill the beans about fasting snacks.

Worst move.

It turned out that Mom thought it was a heart-felt fast and a good one, but when one’s thyroid is out o’ whack, you can’t starve yourself; when you’re hungry, you MUST eat. So, I decided to give up fasting snacks.

I tried fasting second helpings at dinner, but I crashed and burned.

It was essentially impossible to fast for Lent, and I felt utterly despondent and defeated. I couldn’t possibly be right with God if I wasn’t fasting for Lent! Come on! This is Lent! I kept thinking “I need to fast something, I need to fast something…” but kerplunk. As soon as my thoughts took off, they fell right back down again.

So, here’s what I did in retaliation to my predicament: I skulked about and walked like a hunch-backed person. Kicking myself (not literally 😛 ) whenever I thought about Lent and how everyone fasts during this season. I couldn’t fast, and now the Lord wouldn’t see my love for Him. I continued to feel this way until Mom opened up the Bible and read from Matthew chapter nine, verse thirteen. Jesus re-quoted a verse from the book of Hosea:

For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.

– Hosea 6:6 NIV

It really hit home for me, as I had been stressing about not fasting for Lent. I love Jesus, I know I do. I thought that fasting would prove to Him and maybe even myself that I did love Him. Because of this passage, however, I realized that all God wants is my heart. He sees my love for Him, and He knows that I want a deeper relationship with Him, and I don’t need to fast to pray for those things. I can still pray for them whether I’m fasting or not.

One of those things that Christ has shown me is to have grace on myself. I won’t go to hell and He won’t abandon me because I’m not fasting for Lent. Just because I feel sick from thyroid ailments and can’t serve in Children’s Ministry doesn’t mean I’m an evil person. The Lord desires mercy, not sacrifice. He wants me to love and observe Him rather than be the perfect Christian. He wants me to live my life for Him, and whatever comes my way, to accept the circumstances and carry myself as the young lady He has equipped me to become.

Jesus loves me this I know.

That line is one of my favorites, and I think it can be turned around to look like this:

I love Jesus, this He knows.

For my love will tell Him so.

Jesus knows that I love Him. He sees my heart that yearns to please Him and live in His ways. He knows all, and sees all and since He can see the inner depths of my soul, He can see my hunger and my thirst. I don’t have to prove my love to my Maker. He already knows everything. I don’t have to convince Him of my love.

I hope this encourages you, my dear readers! I feel as though a burden has been lifted off my shoulders and I can let go of legalism and unnecessary stress. Having a thyroid problem has been a gift from God. It’s shown me how to NOT be stressed. Before I knew my thyroid was inflamed, I was constantly stressing about everything. EVERYTHING. I’m not kidding, everything. Recently, however, I learned that high stress levels are bad for your thyroid. So, this has made me calm down. It’s made me totally “chillax.” Living life with no extra freak out moments and panic attacks has made my walk with Christ stronger and also, ironically, my thyroid. I am happy to declare that on my last visit to the doc’s office my thyroid was not inflamed.

Love ya,

Emily 🙂

P.S. Here’s a little cosplay update 🙂

So, this Friday is opening night for Beauty and the Beast! Eep, I am very excited! So, I’m getting last minute preparations done on the Village Belle. I’m not giving anything away until opening night (I’ll post picks then). Here’s one cute non-give-away picture for your enjoyment.

Haha, I know it’s pretty boring, but trust me, you’ll be glad I saved the finished product for Friday.

Love you!